Anxiety is crippling me today, made a complete fool of myself yesterday. Should never text when you're drunk, especially someone you want to keep as a friend. I'll read this and cringe Friends try to help but my self loathing is too overwhelming today. Put all the weight on that I lost 2 years ago, fat middle aged loner, that's me.............

Bank Holiday confusion

It's been a while but I thought why not update my thoughts here.  Cats are well, in fact I have a bit of a dilemma, Daniel whom I work with has to re-home his cat and he did  ask me if I would take her, she's very pretty but my two would have a break down if she came here, it would be hell for everyone including her. But I did introduce psycho pants (Bimbo) to two peace loving cats with mixed results. I'll give it more thought.

Orient are shite, lost our first 5 games minus 10 goal difference and 0 points, bottom of the league. It's gonna be a long season.

Work okay seems to have calmed down a bit, or have I spoken too soon?

I'll let you know how the adopting a cat decision goes....

Haven't been here for a while, not that life has been better just couldn't be bothered!  Fiona is over from Oz it is good to see her, Sci Fi exhibition at the British Library yesterday which was fun.
Football fixtures are out - which means I can plan the next 9/12 of my life, how sad is that?


Cats are well
Going to start my will

Tx

Well that was the week from hell, it won't be the only one there are many more ahead.  Smoking again, hate myself for it, oh well just another reason then.

Cats are lovely, the world is a better place for them.

Been listening to the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy again, what a genius piece of writing, hopelessly in love with Ford Prefect still, and Marvin still has one of the best lines ever "making it up, why would I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to make any more of it up"  A line I live my life by.............


Up the Os

Another day closer to death

Well another weekend is nearly over,  Orient pissed me off big time, lost 3-1 to Charlton after a promising start and Scotty scoring his 200th professional goal, then Jones decided to swap sides and give them a goal.

Oh well I'll see be back for more on Tuesday.

Mothers day today, she only goes and phones me telling me she's got me the cushion with the cats on it, think she was making a point but there again so am I.

What does she expect after years of telling me I wasn't good enough and that no decent man would ever want me, I am still so fucking angry with her and he had his part to play only he was more obvious he just used his fists and fear. She was far more psychological and emotional in her torture.

Cats are wonderful and let me sleep this morning, maybe they know it's mothering Sunday?

Another day in paradise........

Today was a strange day, I didn't see many people at work but the ones I did were actually quiet nice, if not a bit shell shocked.

I still can't get my head around his lordship returning to work next week but I'm not alone in that one, reassuring!

Deep down it's so lonely it hurts

Random thoughts on a disappointing life, should be my family's by line but it's mine.  Used to do this on twitter but too many nosey parkers on their now. I know how disappointed I have been with life, got lots of what other people would call "good" nice home etc but I still feel like I've passed life by.


So here we are with a blog, I don't think anyone will read it it would be a bit dull for most!

Two lovely cats a well paid job and a whole heap of disappointment.